I know you saw it. And if you didn’t you certainly heard about it–the 83-point night had by the Miami Heat’s “Grown Man of the Night”, Bam Adebayo. 83!!! What the hell? And the NBA is asking the same question, but for a different reason. And that’s why I’m feeling a certain way and handing the league this weeks Plop Award.
You know back in the day, (when one of our buddies would kill everybody on the dirt court, or up at Hankins Park (Orlando) playing baseball or pick-up football, somebody would shout, “Dang, what the heck is “he” on?–suggesting there’s no way guys like Steve Griffin or Ron Moody or Jerome Walker (you know, the fellas) could run, jump, swing or catapult like that, without “something” in their system. And back then, hell we really didn’t “have anything” to put in our system, except Kool-aid. None of us were boy scouts, but we all knew it was just raw energy, and every now and then somebody would show out. That was then. And this is now.
So Bam has a career night! He and his boys beat Washington like they stole the lawnmower off the back porch. And for his part, Bam pulled off 83 points for the night. Or course, 43 of’em were at the gift counter. He hit 22 tre’s and the rest was clean-up. And the Heat walked out of that joint with a 150-129 win over the Wizards. But then, a funny thing happened on the way to the locker room (or maybe it was the day after, I’m not sure). But sources confirm that the league handed Bam a reward for his superhero night: a plastic cup. (Old school, don’t get excited–it wasn’t the kind of clear plastic cup with a little gin in it). It was for a urine sample. Now please note that I wasn’t there, and I use the plastic cup analogy only as a reference, because typically that’s how one is tested for drugs. But however they did it, sources say the league wanted to make sure that what they saw– what EVERYBODY saw out there on that court, was real.
I’m not a basketball player. But I felt awkward about it because it’s almost saying there’s no way you could play this good without some kind of stimulant in your system. We don’t trust you. You on some other shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if when they turned the lights off for the introductions, somebody said “Bam glowing in the dark!”. My research tells me the Yanks’ Aaron Judge wasn’t given the cup after popping 62 balls out of the ballpark in ’22. Kobe hit 81 (20 years ago) and he was never subjected to the cup (not immediately following the game, at least). Bron is 62 years old and still out there killin’ it! And far as we know, he hasn’t been subjected to a drug test immediately following a break-out game either. Nor has Tom Brady after playing lights out –game after game after game. In all fairness, those brothers have NEVER failed a drug test, which I imagine doesn’t automatically excuse them from a random test every now and then. But the request for Bam “to go see a man about a horse” seemed almost immediate. While he was celebrating his big night (he even took his WNBA Superstar girlfriend, A’ja Wilson into the post-game interviews) his post-game pee sample request was being readied. Meantime he was getting love from all over the league via text or social media– Jalen, Bron, DWade…they all gave him props. And there was Bam, in the midst of it all, enjoying the spotlight. But he didn’t complain (It was almost as if he’d gone through Next Tally training). And the Players association (as of this writing) hasn’t said anything either.
Maybe it’s just me. But if I’d just performed my ass off and had the greatest game of my life, I don’t know that I wouldn’t voice my displeasure (in a nice professional way) to someone jumping to the conclusion that I had to be “juiced up” with something to reach those heights. I can remember back in 2022 or 2023 when Dame Lillard, who was playing for Portland at the time, hit something like 70 points in a game against Houston. He got called in for a pee test. But the league said it was “random”, and that the timing just happened to be on the night Dame sank the 70-piece. He didn’t appreciate it.
The NBA rules for random testing says they’re usually conducted during team activities, including games. It says the younger cats (the rookies) sometimes get tested with more frequency, but players can be tested up to 4 times during the season and 2 or 3 more times in the off-season. It’s interesting too that they don’t really test for marijuana anymore; just the heavy stuff (PEDs, stimulants etc.). And of course, like with anything, if there’s reason to suspect that a player is “on something”, then they’ll have a cup waiting (before, after and I’ve even “during” a game sometimes).
Bam didn’t look like he was driven by anything, except a strong desire to get the heck up outta Kaseya Center and head to Brickell or Wynwood or somewhere to chow down– it had been a long day. Was this another “coincidental timing” thing? Or is it totally impossible to think that a kid like this could pull off an 83-point game against the Wizards, who are 16-48 on the season, without being jacked up on something. Hell, I could have scored at least “fitty” on the Wizards (just don’t hold me to it). Miami is 37-29. Bam just had one of those nights. I say let him celebrate, and let him keep his pee to himself. Sideshot–He’s gonna need it..if the Knicks get their stuff together. He’s gonna pee all over himself. The whole league is.
Again, “Just don’t hold me to that”.
Unk
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